I went to a little Halloween party this weekend. A good friend of mine was dj-ing. I have a lot of affection for this friend: I’ve dated him, had lots of good friendly casual sex with him, made out with him secretly and hotly in bathrooms at funerals, etc. You know. All the good things you do with a good friend. He’s meek practically to the point of Christliness and yet he has the biggest dick I have ever seen. On the Dora list o’ dick, he’s #1, in a comfortable lead, and God was generous to #2. Okay, say no more. I’ve just always thought it was odd that he didn’t have more confidence in life, that’s all.
I should call him something other than “my friend”, I suppose. I’ve actually half-heartedly written a chapter of a novel I am (very!) half-heartedly writing in which I have made him a more glamorous version of himself but given him a comically cumbersome Polish name. I think I’ll call him Meyer Lemon here. For no particular reason. Anyway, Lemon has a history of getting into relationships with rather large women who berate him, giving the casual observer the impression that that’s what he’s into, and yet he denies that he’s into it at all. He claims he just has bad luck. (Claims they weren’t that large or that mean when he met them, etc.)
A strange man. At this particular Halloween party, he and his girlfriend were dressed as Medusa and a man who had been turned to stone.* So creepy and so wonderful. I told my therapist about it and he actually clapped. “Was it intentional?” “Well, uh, I mean, you don’t get assigned Halloween costumes. Somebody had to have made an effort.” My classics student friend was pretty delighted to hear about this too. Well, really, everyone I’ve told. So, in conclusion, if you’re in a horribly dysfunctional relationship, this year tell the world with a creepy couples costume! How else will people outside of your own friends and family understand your deep, deep misery?
____
* Without her beside him, Lemon’s costume didn’t actually make that much sense. He looked like a hipster tin man.
dora random 